Jellyfish, Stardust and Nicodemus: Decoding the Spiritual in Psychotherapy

To be Human is to be a Spiritual Being

There’s a saying in my profession that more therapists are comfortable talking about sexuality than spirituality. If so, then I’m in the minority. I don’t care to know what goes on in your bedroom, but I do care what goes on in your soul. Interestingly, the same pattern of spirituality as taboo seems to play out among those seeking therapy. While the word “spirituality” has become more mainstream, individuals’ personal spiritual experiences and their willingness to talk about them (unlike their sexuality) has not. Often when I ask someone to tell me about their spiritual life, I hear, “I’m not religious,” or “I was raised Catholic but don’t practice anymore,” or “I’m culturally Jewish.” Even if I ask a general question on an intake form, such as “Is your spirituality or faith life important to you,” more often than not it is left blank.

Spirituality is often misunderstood. It is confused with religiosity, with specific faith beliefs, practices, and rituals, and with membership in man-made, institutionalized, organized religions. It is helpful to use the criteria of renowned Harvard researcher and psychiatrist George Vaillant (2008) to distinguish between spirituality and religion. He says the former is defined by a personal connection to the transcendent, is biological and emotional in nature, arises from within, and is tolerant; whereas the latter arises from a formal engagement with a group doctrine, is cultural, cognitive and authoritarian, and is intolerant. Other useful definitions of spirituality include the search for the sacred, which can be our concept of God, divinity, and transcendental reality (Pargament & Mahoney, 2009). Vaillant also calls it “the amalgam of the positive emotions that bind us to other human beings and to our experience of ‘God’ as we may understand Her/Him” (2008, pp. 4–5). And William James (1902/2009, p. 16) deems it, “the feelings, acts and experiences of individual men in their solitude . . . in relation to whatever they consider the divine.”

By these definitions, then, spirituality is what makes us uniquely human, and conversely, humans are universally spiritual. Jonathan Haidt (2006) emphasizes that spirituality is as inherent in our humanness as our physical dimension, and Vaillant (2008) affirms that we are hardwired for spirituality.

The Well-being Trifecta: Spirituality, Psychotherapy, and Positive Psychology

Given that we cannot separate our humanness from our spirituality, why the resistance by both clients and therapists to bring it into the counseling room? I believe that spiritual and religious experiences scare people. They can be intertwined with trauma, guilt, memories of hard benches, scratchy outfits, rote memorization, or awkward youth group nights. At their worst, there can be scars from psychological, emotional, physical,and/or sexual abuse related to our religious past. We also are thwarted from talking together about our spiritual lives because we don’t have a unified vocabulary. We are, in essence, spiritually illiterate, a critical obstacle to any meaningful spiritual dialogue.

That spirituality remains predominantly unexamined in the context of psychotherapy is an interesting paradox given the wealth of empirical studies showing strong correlations between spirituality and well-being. For example, both religious and spiritual commitment is positively associated with and a predictor of life satisfaction, happiness, mental health, positive emotions, coping skills, physical health and well-being, longevity, and meaning (Lyubomirsky, 2007; Pargament, 2007; Pargament & Mahoney, 2009; Wicks & Maynard, 2014). This was reinforced in additional polls showing that active participation in religious and spiritual activities improves well-being, increases happiness and life satisfaction, promotes social connections, positive relationships, and social consciousness, and is associated with better physical and mental health (Newport, 2022; Blankemeier & Levey, 2023; Pew Research Center, 2016). There is also much literature about the value of transcendent, peak and/or religious experiences, and their after-effects, which include a desire to serve others, commitment to relationships, changes in careers and lifestyles, changes in values, belief systems, habits, and behaviors, new understanding of religion and the afterlife, and a desire for more meaning in life (J. Haidt, personal communication, December 10, 2016; Maslow, 1964; Newberg & Waldman, 2016; Yaden, McCall, & Ellens, 2016).

Thus, addressing and integrating the spiritual in psychotherapy represents a unique opportunity to explore life as seen through the lens of the sacred, adding a vital dimension to a therapist’s role in helping individuals interpret and integrate spiritual experiences, confront spiritual struggles, discover spiritual coping, and facilitate spiritual meaning-making, all of which can be transformative (Pargament, 2007; Yaden & Newberg, 2022).

How does positive psychology fit in? Martin Seligman’s (2011) revolutionary perspective altered the direction and trajectory of traditional psychology with its focus on well-being and the five elements that contribute to the construct of the PERMA model—namely, positive emotions, engagement, relationships, meaning and accomplishment/achievement. Neither the PERMA model nor other well-being constructs, however, include spirituality as an underpinning. It is not that it is ignored by positive psychologists. Transcendence is one of the six virtues and spirituality is one of the 24 signature strengths in the VIA Character Assessment (Peterson & Park, 2009; Peterson & Seligman, 2004). Chief Science & Education Director at the VIA Institute on Character, Ryan Niemiec (2018) states that character strengths are about what is most essential to our unique identity, and they are what define us as a person. In addition, many positive interventions actually utilize spiritual activation to evoke well-being. For example, gratitude practice is fundamentally a spiritual act and is a part of most religions’ worship and prayer traditions. Additionally, performing acts of kindness and altruism and engaging in mindfulness meditation and controlled breathing practices. (Did you know that the word spiritual comes from the Latin spiritus, meaning breath? Merriam-Webster, n.d.).

When I started the University of Pennsylvania Master of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program, I was still a novice, unlicensed therapist, having recently completed my graduate degree in Pastoral Clinical Mental Health Counseling with further study in Spiritually-Integrated Psychotherapy (SIP). I was convinced that positive psychology, spirituality, and psychotherapy would dovetail beautifully, and my conviction solidified during MAPP. I continue to believe it is essential to be as intentional in incorporating spirituality in therapy as it is to utilize the traditional pillars of well-being, with the PERMA model as the cornerstone. (I proposed adding Spirituality to the PERMA model of well-being. But there may be a dilemma about the placement of the S, as SPERMA just won’t work).

Learning the Language – Jellyfish, Stardust, and Nicodemus

The language of spirituality is probably not what you think it is. Much of what an individual thinks and feels about the spiritual is implicit, tacit, and unexplored. Thus my approach is largely based on listening—to the spoken word, to body language, to what is unsaid—and then exploring with curiosity, sensitivity, and open-heartedness. Here are three real-life examples (with identifying information changed to protect privacy) of my experience integrating spirituality into counseling.

Mason, 16, is coming at his mom’s request. He appears super laid back, in large part from the copious amounts of weed he uses daily. It also leaves him unmotivated, apathetic, and feeling empty. When asked early on about his spirituality and thoughts about the afterlife, Mason says he believes that one cycle of life creates another. Sounds good. A couple sessions in, we’re at a crossroads—it’s hard for a 16-year-old to stay engaged when he’d clearly prefer to be hanging with friends. So, we play “games”—2 truths and a lie, role-playing by switching chairs, and “What would you do with $1000?”. To the last question he replies, “I’d build a jellyfish farm.” We talk about that—how he is intrigued by this sea animal, what it would be like to feel what a jellyfish must feel pulsating through the warm, dark water, at peace within his world, an effortless life. In the same session, seemingly unrelated, Mason reveals that his mom had a stillborn child before him. Why he tells me this, I can’t remember. But I do remember him asking me, “Was I just a do-over?” What an impossible task for a child to fill another’s shoes—how much silent effort it must take and the futility of it. From the warm womb of a still-grieving mother, pulsating with your own life yet coming into a family with a hole in it. His lived experience is that he feels inadequate, that life will never be effortless, and these feelings manifest with him subconsciously wanting to return to some peaceful primordial soup. This “wanting to be wanted” is what propels Mason’s lived spirituality. It was a good place to enter into his unspoken grief and explore where he can create peace and acceptance for himself.

Nora, 61, is educated, accomplished and intuitive, and entering what she calls the last quarter of life. Her explicit spirituality is lived through a Christian life, yet she is finding it difficult to navigate with open heartedness the violence, polarity, and discord in the world. She is coming to therapy with an anxiousness and hopelessness that she has never felt before. In one session she tells me she is having repeated dreams of liquid gold, shimmering and warm, pouring over her. “It’s quite pleasant, peaceful, and glorious,” she tells me.

“What does it bring up for you?” I ask.

“Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young’s lyrics from Woodstock,” she replies. "We are stardust, we are golden, we are billion-year-old carbon, and we’ve got to get ourselves back to the garden."

So, that is where our journey starts, a jumping-off point that will lead to a roadmap for her to feel grounded within the vastness of the universe and to find connection and oneness in a divided world. The very next day, a CNN news article appears, titled, “We Are All Made of Stars: The Long Trip from the Big Bang to the Human Body” (Nelson, 2023). But of course we are; we both laugh when I share it with her! We explore together the study author’s words that reflect this spirituality of human connection that she is searching for. “Sometimes when I look at people, I think, ‘Wow, you are such incredible organisms, and our atoms all share the same deep history that goes back to the big bang . . .Even the simplest cell is incredibly complex and worthy of great respect. And all people are, too” (Nelson, 2023, para. 9). It helps Nora create the beginnings of interconnectivity with the entire universe.

Carly, 35, is a Presbyterian pastor, so it’s no surprise that her spirituality is explicit, explored, and personally meaningful. Close to Easter, she brought up Nicodemus, the Pharisee whom Jesus addresses in John 3:7-8. “You should not be surprised at my saying, ‘You must be born again.’ The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit”(NIV Bible, 1978/2023). Carly is resonating with Nicodemus, imagining his confusion at these words. She is struggling with her own confusion about the unpredictability of God’s presence in her life, like the wind that arbitrarily comes and goes. We both know that the Greek word used in the Scripture, “pneuma,” is the same for wind as for spirit, and we explore if God might be speaking to her of the steadfastness of His presence despite the transitory nature of the winds. It is a good place for Carly to start.

The stories don’t end there. I have joined clients in spiritual exploration with myriad starting points. The exhilaration of snowboarding. A nondenominational Easter sunrise service at an arboretum. A traumatic birth. A sudden trip to the ER with chest pains. A medical school acceptance. Postpartum depression. A long-ago Jimmy Buffet concert. Yes, literally anything.

The Nuts and Bolts of Self-Exploration: The Challenge of Doing Our Own Spiritual Decoding

Spiritual self-exploration might be difficult work for many of the same reasons that exploration of any subject that elicits emotional reactivity might be: We are avoidant by nature. I encourage you to find a chaplain, clergy, Spiritual Director, or psychotherapist trained in SIP—professionals who are trained to work with individuals regardless of spiritual or religious affiliations and who respect cultural and faith-belief diversity. At the same time, I encourage you to start your journey wherever you find yourself! Be courageous, be curious, and be self-compassionate. Here are 3 suggestions to get started:

Familiarize Yourself with Your Strengths. Take the VIA survey. Are any of your top strengths within the virtue of Transcendence? Appreciation of Beauty and Excellence, Gratitude, Hope, Humor, Spirituality? Start there! Regardless of how your particular virtues and strengths are categorized, surveys such as the VIA are excellent tools to identify our talents, strengths, and charisms. (Did you know that the Greek word charisma means "favor," "gift," or "grace"? It was originally used to refer to a gift or power bestowed upon an individual by the Holy Spirit for the good of the Church (Merriam-Webster, n.d.). Thinking of your strengths as spiritual gifts might bring some new clarity.

Recognize the Spiritual in the Somatic and the Somatic in the Spiritual. Anyone who has felt the power of awe or who has had peak-religious or spiritual experiences knows that it is not just a psychological, cognitive, or even an emotional experience. It is felt in the body. The seminal work of William James (1902/2009) and the recent companion by Yaden and Newberg (2022) are replete with descriptions of the body’s sensory responses to religious and spiritual experiences, respectively. Trust those physical sensations that are asking for attention. Explore them with curiosity, and see where they are leading you.

Identify a Spiritual Source of Alignment or Attunement. Is there a spiritual being, Biblical character, secular or spiritual leader whose life, values or charisms you feel aligned to? Are you sitting with Zacchaeus, high in a sycamore tree, looking for something, someone, some direction? Are you wandering in the desert, angry and bitter, no promised land in sight? Do you feel exiled by a sin for which you can’t find forgiveness? If so, start there. Read, reflect, visualize, remain open to that resonance.

However you begin, I wish you enlightenment, transformation, and peace on your spiritual journey.

References

Blankemeier, B., & Levey, I. R. (2023). Religion and spirituality: Tools for better wellbeing? https://news.gallup.com/opinion/gallup/512216/religion-spirituality-tools-better-wellbeing.aspx

Haidt, J. (2006). The happiness hypothesis. Finding modern truth in ancient wisdom. Basic Books.

James, W. (1902/2009). The varieties of religious experience. A study in human nature. The Gifford Lectures, Delivered in 1901–1902.

Lyubomirsky, S. (2007). The how of happiness: A scientific approach to getting the life you want. Penguin.

Maslow, A. H. (1964). Religions, values, and peak-experiences. Penguin Books.

Merriam-Webster. (n.d.). Merriam-Webster.com dictionary. Retrieved from https://www.merriam-webster.com/

Nelson, B. (2023, January 22). We are all made of stars. The long trip from the big bang to the human body. CNN. https://www.cnn.com/2023/01/22/world/dan-levitt-whats-gotten-into-you-book-scn/index.html

New International Version Bible. (2023). Bible Gateway. https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john+3%3A7-8&version=NIV. Original work published 1978.

Newberg, A., & Waldman, M. R. (2016). How enlightenment changes your brain. Penguin Random House.

Newport, F. (2022, February 4). Religion and wellbeing in the U.S.: Update. Gallup. https://news.gallup.com/opinion/polling-matters/389510/religion-wellbeing-update.aspx

Niemiec, R. M. (2018). Character strengths interventions: A field guide for practitioners. Hogrefe Publishing.

Pargament, K. I. (2007). Spiritually integrated psychotherapy. The Guilford Press.

Pargament, K. I., & Mahoney, A. (2009). Spirituality: The search for the sacred. In S. J. Lopez & C. R. Snyder (Eds.), Oxford handbook of positive psychology (2nd ed., pp. 611–619). Oxford University Press.

Peterson, C., & Park, N. (2009). Classifying and measuring strengths of character. In S. J. Lopez & C. R. Snyder (Eds.), Oxford handbook of positive psychology (2nd ed., 25–33). Oxford University Press.

Peterson, C., & Seligman, M. E. P. (2004). Character strengths and virtues: A handbook and classification. Oxford University Press.

Pew Research Center. (2016, April 12). Religion in everyday life. http://www.pewforum.org/2016/04/12/religion-in-everyday-life/

Seligman, M. E. P. (2011). Flourish. Atria Press.

Vaillant, G. E. (2008). Spiritual evolution. How we are wired for faith, hope, and love. Broadway Books.

Wicks, R. J., & Maynard, E. A. (Eds.). (2014). Clinician’s guide to self-renewal. Essential advice from the field. John Wiley & Sons, Ltd.

Yaden, D. B., McCall, T. D., & Ellens, J. H. (Eds.). (2016). Being called. Scientific, secular, and sacred perspectives. Praeger.

Yaden, D. B., & Newberg, A. B. (2022). The varieties of spiritual experience. 21st century research and perspectives. Oxford University Press.

About the author | Linda Mattucci Schiavone (C’17), is a Licensed Professional Counselor who lives and works in the Philadelphia suburbs. She is passionate about working with adults of all ages, from 18 to 88, and uses both her Pastoral Clinical Mental Health Counseling degree and her Master’s in Applied Positive Psychology degree from the University of Pennsylvania to cultivate well-being in all its forms, including spirituality. She considers it a privilege to join individuals in their unique journeys of self-exploration. While Linda finds her own spiritual resonance within the Catholic faith, she is also spiritually energized by the beauty of nature and wildlife, her yoga and mindful breathing practices, music, the intimacy of the therapeutic relationship, and most strongly, by motherhood. She lives with her husband of 41 years and has two young-adult children who continue to give her life great meaning and purpose. You can reach out to Linda at lindaschiavonelpc@gmail.com.